filing

at work we file a set of reports every day. they go in a little box with numbered tabs separating the different days.

my boss: "uhhh... i think i've been putting these in wrong every day. now i have the 21st and 22nd in the same slot............ it looks like they go in front of the tab instead of behind it................................................." 

stares at me. 

i stare at him back, knowing what he wants.

he stares at me.

............................

........................................

me: "i... will file them tomorrow."

boss: "great!!!"

LAAAAAAAAAAAAZY. i am not your bitch! 

infantilization

i use a live wall paper on my phone that looks like this ^^. it's called paperland and i love it because it changes to match the weather and time of day in your area, which for some reason just makes me so excited.

i was using my phone during a meeting with three men today and all the sudden felt embarrassed they might see it.  then i realized how weird that was, and wondered why they might not like it. trying to think of reasons a guy might not use the app, i thought, "well, it's 'girly'," but that doesn't really make sense because there's nothing inherently girly about it. it's just stylized, so why would a male artist be opposed to it? then i realized: the simple colors and shapes, the themes... it's childlike. but i bet if you asked a guy who wouldn't use it why that is, he would say that it's girly, which really means childlike, because women are crazy initialized (or, of course, sexed up, but it's only one or the other, because binaries and patriarchy).

so that felt weird.

also, i still haven't seen august: osage county yet, but really want to. but i feel like i can't ask my husband to watch it with me. i think it's because it focuses mainly on women and/or relationships. even though they're family relationships, which men are a part of, somehow it's ridiculous to expect a man to sit through a movie about a woman or about traditionally female topics. even though women sit through movies about men... pretty much every time.

"'studies show how depression blurs memory.' i must really have depression then." -middle aged, white, co worker man reading a headline off a university flyer

no, co worker, you don't have depression, and i'm not sure you know what you're saying. or anyone with depression.

le babies

i'm not ready to have kids, but i'm getting there.

i realized this week, though, that when my husband's done with his undergrad, i'll be 26. at that point he will still need to earn a master's sometime and find a job. not to mention i want to complete a master's and find a new job, not necessarily before we have kids but without things getting too crazy between the two of us. i always wished to have all my kids by 30, so that freaked me out a little.

maybe i will save as much money as i can, quit my job when we have our first kid, start earning my degree at home, and transition back to work at a good time?

i don't really know.

lazy lazy lazy lazy lazy

that is sometimes the only thing i think my middle aged, white, male co workers are. i guess i am just not cut out to be a "secretary" (even though that is not my job title.... or my job).

co worker: "i have this form for a vehicle that's not on my list. do.. you know who it belongs to?"

me: "we have the same list, so it shows on mine that it also doesn't exist. weird!"

what he should have done next: "ok! well, i'll call the auto shop and figure it out."
what he did: stood there and stared at me until i said, "i can call the auto shop for you and ask about it." him: "yeeeeeah that'd be great."

we cleared it up and i updated my form (which consisted of copying one cell and pasting it in the one underneath). he was like, "can you send me your updated spreadsheet so i have a copy? thanks!!!"


also that one time my boss had me change literally one letter in a document he was reviewing on his computer and then email it back to him.

yeah.