orange is the new black

after my husband told me his interest had been piqued in orange is the new black, but that he had stopped watching it after a few minutes because of all the boobs, i started watching it. and i finished it in a few days. i was horrified and fascinated and having so much fun.

i then read this interview with the real piper kerman. honestly, i was kind of disappointed. i admire her and agree with the praise the show has received, but when the interview gets to the part where she essentially says that women need special privileges (above men) to parent outside of prison, i was disappointed. i feel like if we really want fatherhood to become as much of the masculine personality as motherhood is for the female, and for everyone to see fatherhood on the same level as motherhood and have equality in parenting, it is inappropriate for women to have privileges over men. if you're going to talk about special allowances for parents that are in prison, it needs to apply to both men and women.

i'm realizing that there is an ideal and a reality to feminism, and that reconciling both of these is difficult. the reality here is that--whether it's caused by an unjust and sexist cultural society or not--more women are primarily responsible for the care of their children, and they do have a disproportionate amount of parenting responsibility, even if the ideal is that fathers and mothers share the responsibility evenly. do we overlook the needs of these women in order to make a point about what the ideal situation would be?

when i go to barnes n noble, i love that there is a big "changing table" sign on both the men and women's restroom doors. i love it. i am weird enough that while i'm on the pot i imagine myself in a leadership position in various companies in a conference room making the point that it's sexist to have changing tables in women's restrooms only, and that i care less about it forcing women to always do the dirty work than i do about how unfair it is to fathers that they can't parent in their own restroom. and then i get this terrible feeling like no one cares. like, who am i as a woman to speak for men? like if they really cared that much, they would have spoken up for themselves and things would be different. this is the reality, and it harshes on my ideal.

learning how to negotiate between the two is weird and hard.