stretchy pants

modesty is huge in lds culture. there are a lot of opinions on why it's important (garments, sexual purity, self respect) but the one liner that almost always comes up is that women need to be modest in order to help men honor their priesthood.

i detest this idea. it wasn't until i was in my 20s that i realized i had never, ever really bought it. when i dress up, it is because it empowers me and makes me feel good. it is never because i want so-and-so-boy to notice how fine and foxy i am. girls are always told, 'do you really want to attract that kind of attention?' it is implied that girls who dress immodestly are doing so in an unhealthy effort to get the wrong kind of attention.

a couple years ago i was going through a time in life where i was getting in extremely good shape. i felt great. i lived in exercise clothes. they were comfortable and kept me in the work out mindset. my mom and i were once exchanging upset emails and i will never forget that she mentioned, unrelated to anything else, that i used to wear stretchy yoga pants around my family. she said my brothers, father, grandfathers had all mentioned it at one point or another, i assume in relation to how uncomfortable it made them. she said i wore them because i was in shape and wanted people to notice it. this boggled my mind. why would i ever try to elicit supposedly sexual attention from my brothers or father? is it really so hard to believe that i liked them because they were comfortable? and that's it? how is it so incredible?

unless you count wearing yoga pants around my male family members, i don't believe my parents, bishop, young women's leaders, etc, would ever say i have/had "problems" with dressing modestly. however, i do not believe there is anything inherently evil about wearing a shirt with no sleeves. i am really not writing this because i wear bikinis or tank tops or short shorts (and i don't think those women should be blamed or labeled immoral). but there is something fundamentally wrong with telling women they need to be honest to protect men's virtue, and frankly, it is objectification.

i believe women who choose to dress modestly for religious purposes should do so to make a reflection of their inner commitment to the god who has asked them to do so. and for no other reason. men are agents unto themselves and discomfort at the sight of a woman in a sleeveless shirt inherently paralyzes religious worshipers who are supposed to go into the world and do good among all manner of people. modesty is highly relative and ever changing. a woman who wears a sleeveless shirt is probably not seeking sexual attention. and women are suffering from psychological and emotional illness because of the guilt and undue burden this idea places upon them.