i got the impression, even in college, that mormons are discouraged from gaining too much learning. especially from the scriptures with all the condemnations toward the "learned". there are of course plenty of quotes to support the idea that mormons need learning, especially in current times to keep up the american-professional, capable, self-supporting, go-into-all-the-world image. but i feel like there have always been qualifiers. like, women should get an education, but not too much of an education that they think for themselves or work or even want to work outside the home. and righteous men will get an education to support themselves but definitely not become worldly or heaven forbid, think that their way is above god's way aka that there is something more, and definitely a butt load more questions, beyond the simple, superficial groupthink they are fed at church. nevermind that jesus was a scholar and all the church leaders are decorated scholars and that intelligence is the glory of god. just be careful everyone! learning too much will make you evil.

i'm cynical of religion, but i'm not trying to put down religion; after all, i am a religious person. but you have to admit that being an educated person comes with disillusionment. it comes with a need to question and halt and think and actually say that things that don't make sense don't make sense. like, even stuff you've been taught all your life as a mormon person, you might realize and say they don't make sense because they don't. and instead of getting a genuine conversation or admittance of unknowingness from the church, we are told to simmer down and stop gaining knowledge about that thing and facts are essentially ignored over the good word of the brethren.

i guess my point is--is education undermined to protect people from that disillusionment? is it in the end truly better to be intellectually clumsy, even disrespectful and potentially violent toward other human beings, and a little clueless, in order to be believing with no doubts? without wavering? i believe it's possible to be completely believing and still questioning (just take kate kelly! oh wait...) but why are we taught to be "like little children" instead of like grown adults with the ability to cultivate their own minds and characters and wade through the shit of the church? is that level of intelligence and compassion not worth it because the church doesn't believe the masses are smart enough or not trustworthy enough to be encouraged to have that journey? instead, we are all encouraged to be identical, polished, educated but not necessarily intelligent people who will carry on the good work without making waves.

is it truly better to be obedient than compassionate? so much better to see in black and white than gray that the church pretends like gray doesn't exist?