recently an older guy at work was leaving the desk area and shouted 'au revoir!!!' all goofy and dramatically. i gave him a courtesy chuckle but mostly kept doing what i was doing because, oh yeah, i was fucking working. he stopped at the door and turned around and look right at me. 'is that all i get??' you might read this like he was teasing or something but that's not how it was. he's known for being a hot head that can't say something without sounding like he's chewing you the f out. previously, i've been okay with it. but being shouted at in that moment by an older man for not humoring his stupid, loud shout out to the universe made me so uncomfortable.

fast forward a few hours. i don't remember if he actually had something to say to me about work or not, but there he was, standing over me as i sat at my desk. 'can i get a little smile?' he said matter of factly, making a smile-grimace and showing his teeth at me like you would at a child. i just stared at him and felt so much hot rage. good thing we didn't see each other that much because i think i would have ripped him a new one.

then today he did it again. 'are you smiling today?' he asked me condescendingly.

and i hate it so much. i hate it because if i stand up to him i'll look like a bitch, when he's being a sexist bully prick. i can just imagine what they would all say or think, some of them are things people have said to me before. "can't you just smile?? you're really too good for us/too serious/in such a pissy mood" (which i never am) "that you can't just smile?"

i can't think of anything to say that won't put me on track for more bullying and being more disregarded and talked down here than i already am.