sometimes i read forums about bloggers at work in order to survive. there's a forum about this one particular blogger and a lot of the conversation focuses on how she can't follow through with anything and gives up on things she puts a lot of time in to for a few months, suddenly moving on to something else. and then i'm over here like, wow, i wish i could at least get up the energy to do something that passionately for a few months. and i have to read it because it's so fascinating but i also feel like they're talking about me and therefore i'm an imposter and also a loser. if there's one thing we suffer from the most at our house, it's becoming more depressed because depression (or something? we just don't know) prevents us from doing all the cool stuff we could do.

meanwhile, i have been dropping ridiculous amounts of money on sold out limited edition records that i just have to have because tax refund. i believe that's called counting your chickens before they hatch. but, lorde, lily allen, live albums? mm, chicken.

i also every so often have these weird, elaborate dreams about transportation. the dream consists of trying to get out of the hotel (including being totally lost, dealing with weird people, something dramatic happening with my family, and not being able to shower and get ready) and then trying to get on buses and lightrails and make my way into the city (invariably getting lost). they're always so detailed. before last night, they were always set in vegas, but last night i dreamt of portland. my friends were there.

i have done yoga enough days in a row that it's exciting me. it's amazing how quickly your body increases its stamina and strength. when we go on our trip we will be doing exclusively public trans and walking. i really want to be able to enjoy it. i want to be in better shape and return in glory, not spend my maybe-last-time trip to portland feeling gross and not being able to do the things i want. portland is becoming my mecca. it's motivating me to be healthy more than anything else has before. it's hard to say how much it means to me, and what it will do for me, but it has filled me with warmth and light ever since we decided to go.