the employees i supervise are all girls, have all worked there a long time (therefore they are all good friends, or frenemies), and all very traditionally lds young women (college aged). on friday one girl started talking about the survey at http://ldsywsurvey.wordpress.com/ because it appeared in her facebook feed after another woman posted it with the simple endorsement, 'yep.'
because we are very close in age, i used to be friends with these girls even though i was their supervisor. i made the mistake of giving them a lot of access to me through social media, and through that i'm sure they learned that i support obama (facebook), am a feminist but am not outspoken about it (blog), and a number of other things i know they would find "stupid" and "dumb". (they have all since been carefully cut out of that inclusion.) anyway, this is all to say that i have no doubt that these things, along with that i expect them to be on time and be proactive at work, among other things, lead them to stop asking me about my opinions, or including me in conversations. so i only overhear the things they say.
to my surprise (and relief?) at first i thought this girl was expressing serious concern about some of the issues raised by the survey. her coworker and another of my employees even recommended to her the two trees theory (with a very poor explanation) and said it was a great read. however, they then both began going on about how the survey manipulates readers into picking a certain answer, how "stupid" mormon feminism is, how "stupid" it is that women feel unequal, and that people who feel this way are just "too hard to please." on the question about feeling unworthy to attend the temple while on your period there was about five minutes of "oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooosh who even thiiiiiinks of these things. seeeeeeriously?"
this is nothing new for me to hear from them. while there are definitely problems with the survey, it acknowledges a number of women in the church who have a very real struggle with these doubts (and even suggests problems are planted in yw). i don't often expect to agree with these girls anymore, though, because they are, after all, the girls who believe being gay is a choice made out of sexual boredom and also that all democrats are on welfare and are leeches (i am somewhat a democrat and neither, and i know more young republican married couples with children on welfare than anyone else.)
i hurt for this girl. she married last year to a pre med student, got pregnant while on birth control, lost the baby due to a number of his health issues. while pregnant she talked incessantly of how grateful she was to know there was a baby in her and that she wasn't just "getting fat," how "fat" she felt, and that she "can't wait for this baby thing to be done so i can lose the weight." her husband treats her like a toddler--while she was pregnant and in her post-pregnancy sickness, he has often come to the desk where we work, given her food, and refused to leave until he saw that she began eating it. he has confronted me and yelled at me while at work, in front of my employees and superiors, because i attempted to discipline her for severe attendance problems. she talks extensively about what life will be like while he goes through med school and residency and what her responsibilities will be keeping the house running--singlehandedly.
and she doesn't feel under thumb?
many lds women will pass/have passed through life completely content with traditional lds values and gender roles. sometimes i envy them--so easy, and they seem genuinely happy to do it. but the minute they say a different woman's struggle is "stupid" is the minute i go stiff in my office chair.
it makes me wonder if they know how i feel and don't care, or if they really think everyone around them agrees with them.
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